I really need to be getting to bed here soon, work comes so early. I can’t settle in and dream, escaping my reality for a few hours. A much needed break from what I see and feel during the day. Thoughts about my mistakes plague my mind as I sit here trying to count sheep.
I’ve been trying to do a lot of self reflection as of late. Looking more at how I react to things and trying to find behaviors that can be adjusted. I wonder what people say about me when my name is brought up in conversation? Do people generally think I’m an alright human being? Or are there remarks about my character that would make me do a double take?
If I asked Carson how much he despised me, what would he say? Will I always be crazy and the one that has left a bad taste in everyone’s mouth?
If I asked Fin how emotionally draining I was- how would he respond? Will I always be the girl who just wasn’t ever happy, the girl who was toxic, the bullet he dodged?
Looking back on the more significant relationships, I start to wonder if it is indeed me who needs to adjust. Where do I start?
Am I so awful of a person that there is nothing good left to say? I know endings will never be sunshine and rainbows but I wonder- do you have positive thoughts about me the way that I do about you?
Comments
Post a Comment